35 WEEKS: 5 WEEKS TO GO!

Jaselyn's baby shower was Sunday and it went amazing. Thanks to my Mom for setting all of this up, my co-workers and guests for helping clean up the hotel and all my friends and family who attended, showering the little princess with such precious gifts. She's spoiled beyond belief.

35 weeks. 5 weeks to go.

(Takes a deep breath)

I haven't been one to complain each week that I'm tired of being fat and pregnant, about the size of my swollen feet, my back hurting or having to pee every few minutes. But I think I've finally reached my breaking point. I'm emotionally and physically exhausted.

Between trying to find a place for her billions of sleepers and onesies, all the while sharing a bedroom I've personally lived in over 23 years of my life. Working a full time job, sitting behind a desk 8 hours a day and dealing with ignorant people. Helping my mother clean, pay bills and maintain a household. Wondering how I'll afford being on maternity leave during the holidays and trying to get my driver's license straight before the first of the year without penalty. Not to mention I'll need a new car that's mechanically sound to transport the baby around, since mine isn't quite reliable as it was when I bought it used 7 years ago. This is just the icing on the cake.

My internal alarm clock has started to wake me up around 8 o'clock in the morning, even when I don't go to sleep til 2 or 3 am, so today I am tired. I barricade myself in pillows at night but my hips and thighs still ache when I wake up. She hasn't flipped into position yet, so the nurses are considering a c-section.  The terrible burning sensation in my throat (acid reflux, I presume) has been making me sick. I've spent all afternoon at work in complete silence, no TV and had not reached for my cellphone 3 hours into my shift, and when I do, it was only to find myself in the bathroom balling my eyes out because 'someone' wants to discuss "joint custody" 1. before shes even born and 2. have not spoken in over a month, nor did this person acknowledge my presence when crossing paths this past weekend. 

I've been preparing myself for her arrival since the moment I found out she existed, while 'you' have done nothing but sit back and portray yourself as "father of the year" to everyone you know. Just remember: actions speak louder than words.

35 weeks. 

That's 35 weeks of you doing nothing, unless it benefits yourself or your family.

35 weeks of your rap music, Netflix and video games being more of a priority than being a father.

35 weeks of your Mother interferring and harrassing since the moment I made the (wise) decision to leave an unhappy relationship.

I want nothing from you. I don't want your child support, nor your insurance.All I want is for you to leave me alone, you've done a good job at that thus far.

Final thought:

"Don't come see me when I'm dead when I needed you when I was alive." - Thanks Darrell.